The Smallness you feel in a relationship is Not who You Are.

Here’s how to clear the feeling so you can be more authentic

 

Those Annoyances? Not Trusting yourself? Can't speak up or do what you want? THAT'S NOT YOU!

How to clear unwanted blocks so you can live a great purpose and have fulfilling relationships

(Here’s a video version of the same story!

 

Have you ever felt inauthentic in a relationship, and just wanted to get past the bullsh*t and be yourself to feel free or even create awesome new relationships?

Me too-- It can be devastating when you feel like you're blocked or can't be yourself in a relationship when you know you actually have so much to offer, if only you could be yourself.

Here I'm sharing a story of how I overcame this block in my life recently, and I hope you enjoy so that you can too.

🙌

(If you're looking to be able to clear out these blocks for good, skip to the bottom to see a really cool opportunity I have for you to do that with me... fo' free! for a limited time!)

(I know long posts can be a pain, so I value your time!)

Here’s my story:

~~~~~~~
I was sitting in the passenger seat of our blue mazda on new years eve while my sister drove to our annual 'pub crawl' with our good highschool friends.

We were going to be hanging out with a good friend of mine named Natalie, with whom i’d had a peppered past.

Ya see in high school we were great friends until she had said something that really hurt.

This bothered me so much, yet I never had the courage to tell her that it hurt—

I only slinked back into a shell of being a pleaser from that point on, and lo and behold, she didn’t really want to hang with me that much.

I had always seemed to say the wrong thing, or act too goofy and bubbly to actually gain her respect.

(In a relationship where you just can't seem to be yourself, it can really suck). 🦀

Even in college I remember being at a party and in so close to tell her how I felt all those years before…

just to chicken out, again,

thinking that

~ it wasn’t important enough,

~ it would sound to stupid after so many years,

~ it didn’t matter anymore (even though it did because it was affecting my energy so much)

... and after each time i just felt more like shit… i was just so scared of becoming the stupid whiney person i was actually already projecting her to believe me to be!

🙈

Anyway, last year I had a breakthrough. I finally opened up and told her what I thought and felt after all those years.

It was an awesome — yet terrifying — open conversation with Natalie. She had no idea I had been feeling so small and hurt. She had no intention of hurting me ever, and got to tell me how she really felt too, open and honestly, and we becoming so much closer than before.


Now before you go thinkin it's all rainbows 🌈, real life set in... 🌨

Well, after that healing breakthrough conversation, we had agreed to keep in touch. Which we did! for the first 6 months of the year.... 🌻

Then she had said she would call, I had texted her again to set it up after it had been a while… and I hadn’t heard back. after 6 months.

Now I’d be seeing her again after all of that. #akward


Of course, as I was driving in the car, these feelings were coming up again like she didn’t really want to be my friend, she didn’t care, or she was trying to hurt me.

When I told my sister that, she said matter of factly, "Yeah that sounds like Natalie. She’s not great texting back. I would just let it go because she probably just forgot."

With that I wanted to believe her— ut in that moment I had a huge pang in my left arm pit and breast area.


🤔


In the past i would have wondered where that came from and ignored it, but now with the energy work I do and intuitive healing practice I have for others, I knew what was really going on...


I knew it was an energetic block that was trying to clear if it a way out, looking to get my attention.


All in the car, silently to myself, i did this, the same I do for clients:

1. I tuned in and asked the energy where it came from

2. how old was i when i adopted this energy

3. And I waited for the emotion to come up and the memory

associated when this happened


All of the sudden I remembered, almost as if i could still feel, my mother being proud of herself as a single mom, breast feeding me, and feeling she was Right.

The energy was being Proud, and Right (even if it was a bit of an over compensation to prove to others at the time).

And immediately I felt and saw how it was relating to my situation.

🌟 I was being overly proud of how I was choosing to relate to my friend Natalie. “You should have called, I know i”m right" the thoughts would yell.

And with that understanding, I was able to have a different perspective.

All the sudden I felt this sense of relief… that this wasn’t even me… and that I could actually see Natalie as another human again, and just like me.


I energetically cleared the block,

And the results of that were astounding.


🌅

Later that night, Instead of going back into the old pattern of holding a grudge, feeling less-than, feeling on guard and pretending to be cool,

🕉 I knew i was cool! :) and i knew she was too!

🕉 I was able to forgive her and totally be present.

🕉 I was able to be a friend, not a fan, and what’s crazy is that made all the difference.

All of the other friends that we had (who i thought were cooler than me) I learned later from her had faded away, and here she was choosing to hang with me.

The reason I share all of this with you today is for you to remember too

that you are already enough. You are cool enough (whether its for an old friend, your daughter, a lover, or a family member.. even someone you're trying to attract).

*When you can get the bullshit out of the way and get clearer on who YOU really are,

you can have more authentic relationships.*

🎤 drop.

And you ALSO aren’t that feeling of littleness you might experience

of less than

of inadequacy.

That’s not you!

That is *literally* something you picked up (like i did) when you were very small to either stay loved and part of the group, or to try and help your mom or dad energetically.

And if I hadn’t cleared that energy, what could of happened is the same old pattern, and an unfulfilling night.


So this is to let you know- you CAN clear the blocks in the way to being yourself

and that's what will bring the fulfilling relationships and love and purpose that you deeply desire.

You can do this,

Colleen Coles

P.S. If you feel like you're being inauthentic and stuck and you can’t figure out how to let that go, I’m so excited to offer you a free 20 minute energy clearing consultation so that you can experience this for yourself!!

Discover what is blocking you and get unstuck, start to live on purpose, and create meaningful authentic relationships in your life.

If you are interested in experiencing this awesome opportunity, click here to schedule your free 20 minute energy clearing consultation.

 

How Clearing Past Relationships helps you live your Purpose, your Potential, and your New Life Now 💕 🌟

 

Written Blog!

How to know in Peace you are on Purpose… even when you are feeling stuck

🍂“Fallen Leaf”🍂


As you may know, I recently moved houses after somewhat of a family uproar (we had to leave in about 3 weeks after our dog got in a hissie fit with our landlords dog). And even though in the moment it was a bit terrifying, unsettling, unnerving, there was a couple big takeaways that now are so crazy to think about how it all worked out in the end. 

 

See how things can fall into place with this story… while also not being hard on yourself, because you could be exactly where you are meant to be.

 

 If you ever feel you should be farther ahead but can’t seem to move, this is for you.

 

Falling leaf.

While I”d be driving down my old country road in Charlottesville, I used to pass this one turn-off street called Fallen Leaf Lane.

 

Every time I would pass it, I’d always feel this sense of comfort, and also curiosity.

 

“Fallen Leaf?” I thought. “HUh! who would name it that? That’s so specific!”

 

As I’d continue down the country road,  I would think about what I read in a Thich Nat Han book on meditation while I studied mindfulness in college— 

 

He would say reaching that place in meditation is like where you can finally just rest — like a stone thrown in the water, reaching reaching to hit the bottom, until finally, it just settles and find it’s place, and can relax.

 

And as I kept driving, I would imagine a falling leaf instead…

 

Wafting one direction, then to the next…. finally until…

 

It falls the ground and resting place.

 

Fallen Leaf. 

 

As I would keep driving down my country road, I would start to have this settled peace just from driving by that lane.

 

And at the same time, although it would be jolting, i would suddenly remember how I was maybe running late to the appointment I was getting to… Or how I just didn’t always feel ahead compared to where I had imagined I would be, or where I’d want to be.

 

Do you ever feel that way?

 

If so, stick with me for part 2 of this story!

Part 2:

A lot of times during the day, back at my old cottage, I would go out on walks right around this hill that stretched by my window when things got stressful.

 

It’d usually be int he middle of the day, after a bunch of pressure (or self judgement, honestly!) built up from the day, and I felt behind before even getting started, and just needed a break to reset.


Do you ever feel like that friend? this is for you 
 

It would be with this push-pull energy during my day--  this seeing where I would want to be in the vision — but just not even being able to reach it, not being there from where I was.


And even on the trail I would be walking, that energy would carry over, and I could see the end of the trail at the top of the shady stretch of the hill... yet just not be there!
 

And yet even if this energy is so familiar— there is a way for us all to get out and through it; finding presence where were at, while also moving forward to get to the bigger destination.


 

On my walk this one day, I had that contracted energy. I entered the path where it was shaded by trees, only to turn up ahead on the hill and into the sunshine.

 

As I looked around at the forest around me, still feeling slow, contracted… all the sudden in the glistening stream of sunlight coming from the canopy above, I see something I’ve never seen. 

 

A falling leaf, not moving.


It was stuck, standing still in mid-air. Literally frozen in place. The light was a perfect beautiful beam of sunlight, highlighting this miracle -- showing the leafand nothing holding it up.

I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Time stood still.

 

It took my breath away. 


I went up closer....


and all the sudden....!


I realized a single spider web was holding it in place-- from the top of the tree, all the way to the earth.


 like woah. joke on me! 
 

I started laughing at this marvel. How ironic and interesting to see this. 

~~~~~~

 This miracle shifted my perspective.

It made me feel at first like this leaf was stuck, and anxiety arose as if to say, "HEY! Let him go!! let him fall all ready!

 But then, as I continued on my walk, I remembered it’s almost like it was paused in a moment in time, and It had a moment to just rest, and just be, even in the middle of the process falling through to it's resting place.

Phew--- and that gave me a lot of self compassion, and just like a deep exhale.

Ya see, something that I've recently learned is that it's ok to be in process.

And that wherever we are in it, we are still on our way.

It's just about acceptance, and giving ourselves a break, forgetting that it's going to be a process, and it's ok to be where we're at.

 

Maybe for you, you’ve been feeling like times are throwing you hurdles, and you just need a chance to breath.

 

but taking a break might make it feel like you can’t catch up to what you want to do, or be in alignment with a bigger vision (even if right now it’s just a feeling that you have that something is out there, without knowing exactly what it will look like. we are all on different stages!)

All that this inspiration instilled in me, to then share with you... was a sense of a deep breath as I approached the sunnier side of the hill I was walking.
 

it’s ok to be where you’re at. it’s like a break, and you can just take a deep breath. Whereever you are on the journey.

 

After all, you're still on the road trip even when you stop for lunch.. 

 

it’s ok to be exactly where you are. because turns out it could be exactly where you are meant to be.

Just wanted to share that with you <3 look forward to my final story in this series about what it really can mean to find your way home - in purpose, in your relationships, and in your own true self with God.


Part 3:

Recently I told you about my journey riding through seasons of anxiety, feeling rushed, and sometimes just not on purpose. (and what it can take to actually have compassion and connect again).

When it can feel like we need to do more, be more, have more… and we just aren’t where we thought we’d be this time this year, or a bigger vision hasn’t come true yet…

Its ok. We are still on track.

With all that I’ve shared already, this lesson came to a head for me as I moved into our new house, new city, just a couple weeks ago. I shared how God is always in the minor details, letting us know He’s there with simple synchronicities, like for me in the Fallen Leaf.

For us moving, it had been one big (and scary!) adventure! A real test of faith.

Our dog getting in a fight, finding the right space evem with minimal time to find it, it all almost felt like a lost cause.

And through all the scary moments, to the shaky jitters, I HAD to come back to my tools. Back to the meditation pillow. Back to the afternoon walk (and where I would see my fallen leaf).

It was like it’s hard to rememebr that God is really with us every step of the way, even in the mundane simple things like finding a house.


But all of this came to a head when as Michael and I unloaded the Uhaul, 

all the logistics haven fallen in place, one step at a time

I walked up to the new steps of our Richmond home,

And as I approached,

a fallen leaf fell at my footstep.

🍂

I’m sharing all of this with you today to simply remind you

that as we head into the new year,

you are allowed to be where you’re at

you are allowed to be on your path

and you are allowed to know that God is PROUD OF YOU exactly where you are. 

You have so much more to give, so much to grow and expand into

And I, God, and your higher soul are with you every step of the way, to help make that dream and purpose of yours a reality.


You may not be done, but you’re on your way!

I wish you the best in this new year! xo Colleen

 
 

Whatever you want, you CAN Achieve! 🎉

My Lessons in Faith and how you can take the next step too (even when you're feelin' lost or confused)

To book a free consultation on finding faith in YOUR life, click here! bit.ly/energyclear

 

Trusting Yourself, Trusting Desire, and Trusting to Do Whatever The 😮 You Want!

 

Doing what you really want this Halloween 🎃

"The only real problem is a lack of love" ❣️  -- Marianne Williamson

But what does that really mean, when it comes down to logistics?

I mean, sometimes I have found myself thinking that if I love people, I better give all the love I got… even if that means I don’t do what I want.

Right?

That then looks like me…

— Giving my time to my husband by cuddling in the morning til 8 (…even though I told myself I’d wake up at 7am to exercise and start a miracle morning.. and was excited about that).

— Giving away lots of money or giftcards to homeless people to be nice and loving (…even though they don’t even go read books at barnes and noble, but the card meant the world to me as a gift from my best friend’s mom Virginia).

— Or going and doing things I don’t want to do just because it’s what social people do (even though I’d rather just stay home.)


And so if you have found yourself in these positions too,— feeling depleted, like a failure, scared, not knowing what you want, feeling people might leave you if you don’t do what they want… (but never really satisfied either, just anxious)…

I want you to listen to this story of my first client Sara, and how she had her breakthrough from this habit too. 


There can be another way— where you give love, and you don’t have to sacrifice yourself either.


Ironically, this session with Sara about 2 years happened on, you guessed it, Halloween!


It was a Wednesday, so we had our schedule planned like normal, around 4 pm. 


Sara came into my home office and sat on my bean bag chair, me on my ottoman (those were the luxury coaching chairs at the time!) a little bit stressed, disgruntled, and distracted.


I asked her, what was up? She mentioned it was something small, but getting down to it, she told me that she had told a bunch of her friends that night that she would go out to a costume party, but all she really wanted to do after a heavy week was just go home and read and have an ‘in’ night. 

Sara and I had been working on codependency, meaning that we give to others before taking care of ourselves, and feel we need others love or to be happy before we can really be happy. (aka people pleasing, etc)


And it can be the biggest reason we find ourselves out of alignment, friend, because basically our internal world (our desires, what we really want, our emotions), don’t match the outside world (our actions, our fake smiles, our “Sure!!” in a high-pittched tone even though we mean (please god, no!)

So anyway, Sara and I had been working on the depths of that for a while.

BUT! here brought another situation, one that seemed so simple and casual that it could go without noticing (sound familiar? 🤔 😉)

By the end of our coaching together that night, she had come to a breakthrough. I finally just asked her,

Do you want to go to the party tonight? No was her answer.

“But is it ok to change your mind or go against what you told someone, even if I said I’d go and they wanted me to?”

“YES” I said.

That will actually be of best service to you AND others in the long run, just let them know!

She sprang up from her chair, and said, You know what, I’m going to text my friend and tell her I can’t go, and just chill at home tonight, having tea, reading a book, and watching the trick or treaters go by (withOUT me answering the door).

Great!! I said. 🎉

And believe it or not, that Halloween night was her breakthrough moment in the program.

It was that night with something so simple and like a common experience

What were the results of that breakthrough for Sara?

— She ended up finding (it really found her) her dream job ever that combined all of her talents wishes and desires
— This job ended up making her 4x what she was making when she first came into my office

— Confidence like no other, and not depending on others to make her happy

— Ok and at peace with the journey, present, and stable where she was at (she said in her testimonial for me: Sometimes not knowing [your purpose, what you’re doing with your life] is the best place to be; that means you can do anything”)

— And you guessed it! no longer people pleasing, but feeling totally confident in herself, and in alignment KNOWING and STANDING behind doing what she really wanted and what was right for her!

Dude! Lots of things can come from the simple! It’s just about getting there!

SO, friend,

If you find yourself on this halloween night ‘waffling’ on what to be doing, just take a second to tune in, and ask yourself, what would I really love?

Then i challenge you to go do that thing (even if it feels scarier than a ghost in your closet on all Hallow’s eve 😉 👻)

You don’t have to sacrifice your needs, desires, dreams, or YOU anymore to also be of service help others, or love others in the world.

In fact, you’ll be able to do that even better when you give yourself waht you need first, have boundaries, and just do what you really want.

If you ever need help with this girl, I got you. I have 3 slots right now in my 3 month coaching program, and this is exactly the thing we work on and YOU can be like Sara. Confidence, Meant-to-be-ness, and knowing what you want (oh, and then acting on it. Like a baller)

Book your consult now if you’re ready for YOUR own breakthrough and this too.

Happy Halloween!

xo Colleen

 

Why you don’t know what you want— and how to find what’s in the way so you finally can have clarity and KNOW what you want!

 
 

How to finally feel unstuck... without years of counseling

(that I know you've already done) ;-) 

 
 

What I learned surfing in Rio 🐬🏄🏼‍♀️🌊 and how you can feel powerful as yourself again 💯 by applying this big lesson!

 

Video Blog!

What I've learned about feeling supported here at John of god

One of my best! If you feel stuck, unsupported, not enough just being yourself... this is what I've learned and want to share with you today. <3 enjoy!

 

Video Blog!

Your destiny is in your dna!

This video is about when you forget your greatness, or that YOU MATTER and have something to offer the world when you're feeling unfufilled. YOU ARE ENOUGH. And here's how to remember that truth.

 

Radio Interview!

How to Find Fulfillment, Live a Life You Love, and how to have fun in the process!

Join me on a "Graceful Life" to know how to live out your purpose in a meaningful career, through knowing yourself, what you want, and how to have fun while you get there.

 

The 1 Thing You Can do to Get on the Other Side of Your Dream (... and it's simpler than you'd expect!)

January 13, 2018

 
 
 

You can love Christ & crystals, too!

{How to Feel Safe exploring Spirituality while still being a Christian.}

January 10, 2018

 

The Single-Most Important Thing You Can Do Right Now

to Live out Your Purpose in 2018

january 1, 2018

    

Screen Shot 2017-12-14 at 1.17.55 PM.png

Do you ever feel stuck to do what you really want to do, and wonder what it would actually take to do something you like… and still make money at it?

 

Turn your love (as random or non-lucrative as it may seem to you, like working on broadway or having fun with horses) into something you’re doing every single day?

 

What would it take to turn your purpose or your calling into a meaningful career?

 

Ive spent a lot of time pondering this question, friend. And I know sometimes it seems like a stretch.

 

But what I have found-- and have been living out! -- is that it is possible and meant for everyone, especially us in a younger generation.

 

I've helped countless people, just like you, do it for themselves, too.

 

Screen Shot 2017-12-14 at 1.19.06 PM.png

 

 

I remember working with a client, and when she first started working with me, she said she would do anything to get out of her teaching career because she was so unhappy. She just didn’t know how.

 

She said, “What would it take? Pregnancy? Jail?” 

 

😃  It had to go to that extreme to just find a way out. (Even though the secret was right inside of her all along).

 

And as humorous as that was, she was experiencing a lot of pain. Feeling unhappy, mediocre, and like she wasn't living out what could be awesome that God had planned for her.

That’s what I want to share with you today, the secret to how you can leave a career (or life!) you hate behind, and step into what God and your Higher Self are actually calling you to do.

 

...because it’s the single most important thing you could do to help yourself, and other’s you’d love to make a difference for. 

Screen Shot 2017-12-14 at 2.59.17 PM.png

 

This is One powerful way to get out of your rut or unhappy place in life…  

The single most important thing you could do for yourself right now, to set you up for 2018.

Here’s the skinny:

  1. Live from your Vision & follow Your Fantasy.

Instead of just asking yourself, "what’s next?” Allow yourself to dream bigger. What is that fantasy that I even have a hard time admitting to myself because I think it’s so fantastic that it might not even be real (but if it happened…. oh boy now you’re plucking my heart strings...).

Instead of just going for mediocre or what is safe, go for that thing that is something better!

(I share a great story about what a difference this made in my client Sean... you can check out the webinar replay here.)

That is what you want to live by, and that’s the fantasy you want to have the courage to follow… because it’s in there for a reason.

When we follow THAT roadmap, even though it might seem risky, random, or too good... that's the roadmap that leads us to

the guidance to get us what we desire deep down.

 

God finds the way to make it work for you, as long as you take some action to get there, believe that it’s even remotely possible, and are open enough to say, God, i surrender, you know what i want, now how i can i get there?

 

If you just go asking yourself, what’s next, your trajectory for the future will be quite low (albeit, feeling safer. It won’t get you what you want, because unfortnuately, just doing the ‘right next thing’ will only prepare you for that thing… it might not prepare you for your dream.

 

If you actually live from your vision, tho, and make decisions backtracking from that ultimate goal, you’ll probably make a lot of more cooler (bigger!) decisions. AND you can know your actions are definitely leading you to a place you want to go.

 

So what to do about it?

Expression!

Did you know the opposite of expression is de-pression? That’s right. These go hand in hand. If you’re feeling in a rut, just start somewhere, and start to express yourself in a way that feels good to you. This allows your intuition to start to flow, and can even have you hearing more of your inner guidance (that knows the bigger way anyway), and off you go, in the current of clarity, leading you to go quickly to what you truly desire and see for yourself deep down.

(i.e.... What you are meant for!)

 

As author of You are a Badass says,

Our fantasies are our realities in an excuse-free world.

2018 is the best time to live that. Start now. And here’s how you can get started.

1. Make a vision board of that vision for yourself. On the vision board...

2. Pick a character or person that represents what you want. This way you have the essence of someone who you can tap into, all in one place. (I'll be vulnerable here.. for real, mine is Wonderwoman Galdot. She rocks and is the epitome of what I want!).

3. What are touchstones you can put in place now that would help you connect to that bigger vision? (Oprah used to always have real flowers in her home, to at least signify she could have what she wanted eventually, and connect to her bigger dream). And on that note, even as a touch stone, what is an ACTION step you can take (even if it’s small!) to connect you to your vision.

              (For example personally, I’m applying to speak at a well-known larger conference in the area, because it speaks and connects with the person I want to become. Have I ever done that? No! Am I scared! Sure! But I can still do it, and the process itself is quite simple. So I'm doing it anyway! we got nothing to lose! and it connects to something even bigger than the conference.

Screen Shot 2017-12-14 at 2.49.36 PM.png

 

What’s yours?

I'd love to hear your feedback from this writing, and what you're deciding to focus on in the beginning of this 2018. Email me at colleen@colleencoles.com to let me know what you thought, and I'll be in touch to say hey!

 

Colleen is a Purpose Alignment Coach who helps Young professionals get clear on what their purpose is and turn it into a meaningful career. She has worked with clients all around the world with varying professions, including servers, teachers, actors, entrepreneurs, designers, and more, to step into the dream they see for themselves, while learning how to trust their Higher Power, themselves, and their intuition to guide them. Colleen helps people have the courage and confidence to stop apologizing and do what they REALLY desire to do inside... so they can help more people and live a life they love. If you'd like to get clear on YOUR purpose, schedule your free Clarity Consultation with Colleen here.

 

Video:

How to Truly Know Your Purpose when You Feel Not Enough

december 20, 2017